Dog Training?

I feel dirty, tired and very unpresentable.

I told my colleague over a cup of coffee.

She has 2 young kids and I guessed she understood how I feel.

I wash my hands 200 times a day.

I told my friends over an empty table at Mac's.

I'm reading books on dog training. But really it's all a scam. It's not about dog training, its about training humans.

Over the last month, I have been training to handle shit, poo, sleep less, wake up in the middle of the night, finish work with more urgency so I can be at home on time, clean the house, make better use of my time, be patient, be loving and be creative.

So far, I'm failing badly.

When it comes to disciplining a dog, there are many diverse views. Many people have encouraged me to discipline the dog with a rolled-up newspaper. One of my favorite quotes I learned is this:

"A rolled-up newspaper can be an effective training tool when used properly. For instance, use the rolled up newspaper if your dog chews something or has a housebreaking accident. Take the rolled up newspaper and hit yourself over and over again on the head and repeat to yourself the phrase "I FORGOT TO WATCH MY DOG" ... " I FORGOT TO WATCH MY DOG"... If your dog laughs at you when you do this, praise him."

Someone should start hitting me...